The Cosmic Adventures of Squirrel Girl
by Rhuen
Summary: Squirrel Girl from marvel comics goes on cosmic adventures, across the Marvel Universe and beyond.


A most unexpected and terrifying gathering of super-villains has come together in the Australian outback; where no heroes on Earth would think to look and seldom venture even accidentally. Malestrom and Batroc the Leaper have called from the far reaches of Earth and space, MODOK, Fing Fang Foom, The Mandarin, Korvak, Bug Eyed Voice, Bi Beast, Dr. Doom, and Terrax.

"This had better be good," says Dr. Doom crossing his arms trying to look imposing among this gathering of high end villains, "Dr. Doom does not venture to the middle of nowhere for no reason."

"When all are gathered," says Maelstrom, "I shall explain,"

"Do not toy with Fing Fang Foom," says the dragon beast by that same name, "You spoke of revenge against my greatest foe…impressive as these villains are, they have no common foe with Fing Fang Foom."

The Mandarin looks around, "I had thought this about the Avengers or the Fantastic Four; Maelstrom, however I see a few…unimpressive faces among this crowd."

"Who you talking about?" bursts Bi-beast, with Bug Eyed Voice grimacing at the Mandarin.

"What foolishness is this." Announces Thanos materializing among them, "I have more important matters to attend to Maelstrom than petty revenge against some earth hero…"

"Squirrel Girl," says Maelstrom gaining their attention; "is it not true each and every one of us gathered here has either directly or indirectly suffered a humiliating defeat by this simple Earth mutant girl?"

"Even the mighty Thanos was feld by the squirrel themed mutant?" asks Dr. Doom, "pitiful;"

Maelstrom smiles wickedly, "that coming from a man who allowed her free reign of his castle to use his time machine rather than suffer another defeat by her…"

"How did you…" starts Dr. Doom before Maelstrom cuts him off

"and you MODOK, several of your own men left the Advanced Idea Mechanics out of fear of her, called her the Anti-Life and Slayer of All Breathes correct?"

Eyes are on MODOK now who just floats and says smugly, "My men detected a multi-dimensional anomaly around the girl; however I MODOK with my advanced intellect beyond human comprehension easily deduced that what those small minded fools detected was merely a causality distortion. Not an unheard of ability, especially among mutants; hers however seems to be unguided."

"What are you talking about?" demands Bi-Beast, a bit embarrassed that no one else really seems to be confused by MODOK's words.

"For those among you too small minded to comprehend," says MODOK, "she has an advanced luck power. In fact according to my calculations the more powerful a foe she faces the greater her luck becomes till it is nearly impossible, no matter how improbably it may appear for her adversary to actually defeat the female."

"In other words," says Dr. Doom, "what I already deduced years ago."

He indicates everyone there, "Just look around us, some of the most powerful beings in the known galaxy; if we attacked her like this then who knows what random seemingly impossible events would occur to undermine our abilities."

"Precisely," says MODOK, "We attack the child directly and for all we know meteorites may fall upon us, or our abilities suddenly not work, or a giant mutant squirrel god from another dimension suddenly manifests in Central Park!"

Bug Eyed Voice does a double take, that was certainly not a string of words one would expect to hear from MODOK.

"Exactly," says Maelstrom still smiling, "If we attacked her, however what if we convinced her to attack other heroes instead? Her own inner turmoil ripping her apart."

"How exactly do you propose we do that?" asks Thanos speaking up, "kidnap one of her fellow heroes? How cliché, that same causality would still work against us as her perceived opponents."

"Not necessarily," says Maelstrom, "it's not about her fighting her opponents, it's about her power being overwhelmed by internal guilt…her weakness is the darkness of one's soul; she is always light hearted no matter what disasters fall. She believes she will win…and thus she does; defeating her is making her doubt her skill; doubt her role to protect. It's not simply that we capture someone she loves, it's that who we have is not someone she would expect to see captured; like another hero."

"Do not speak in riddles and get to the point!" demands Dr. Doom.

"I'll allow Batroc to explain," says Maelstrom.

"All right then," says Batroc, "you see not long ago the US government did this whole super-hero registration act thing; so Squirrel Girl..god I hate saying such a dumb name so seriously…so this girl signed up…her real name is now public record. Simply matter to find her loved ones and kidnap 'em."

"Going along with the cliché," says The Mandarin, "this has been done as well, kidnapping her boyfriend…or girlfriend, whichever the case may be does not change;"

"Her mother," says Batroc, "We have her mother, right here in fact."

Maelstrom pushes a button on the platform he is standing on raising a sound proof clear container with odd devices above and below it.

"If you plan to kill her than kill her already," says Thanos, "why bother us about your tired old plan?"

Maelstrom *laughs maniacally, "If I did that then she'd likely end up going into the after world and retrieving her mother's soul or some such ridiculous thing; this isn't like one of her squirrel…friends."

"Uh," says Bug Eyed Voice, "I may not be on the same level as the rest of these guys here; but…if you already have her mother as a hostage…what do you need guys like Dr. Doom, the Mandarin, or Thanos, and everyone else here for?"

Maelstrom *smiles*, "As several of you already figured out, her luck will increase to face all of us; however this device is set…and squirrel proof, to go off shortly after she is present. So she will come here, face all of us to save her mother, only for her mother to be turned into a mindless monster by this machine for her to fight. With all of you here, even something random might happen triggered subconsciously to defend herself and at such a level kill the one most directly attacking her; namely her own mother. I will then reveal to her the truth about her luck power and that it is her own fault her mother died; such darkness will ruin her forever as a super-hero and prevent any possibly future conflicts where she defeats any of us."

"That's a stupid plan," comes a girl's voice behind Fing Fang Foom.

"What?!" exclaims Maelstrom, "why hasn't the machine…"

Squirrel Girl emerges, hidden behind the massive Fing Fang Foom, "Man, you know it's bad when the other baddies are telling you how cliché your plan is Maelstrom."

"How did you get this close?" demands Maelstrom.

"That freaky machine may be squirrel proof," says Squirrel Girl, "but your sensors aren't, never underestimate a determined squirrel."

"The sensors are also…this is Australia anyway;" spouts Batroc

"Invasive species," mutters MODOK matter-of-factly.

"No matter," says Maelstrom, "I can activate the device manually, and any attempt to break it will set it off. You know what will happen then thanks to your luck power?"

"Luck power?" says Squirrel Girl scratching her head, "Heh, guess I have something new to add to my playing card; no matter Mr. Meanie you aren't going to win; even if every one of you's came at me at once."

The other villains actually clear a path between Squirrel Girl and the platform.

"Subconsciously you will kill your own mother," says Maelstrom, "luck powers cannot be easily controlled; even the Scarlet Witch with all her mystical training has little control over the results; I will press this button and…"

"Turn my mom into a superhero." says Squirrel Girl folding her arms and nodding.

Maureen Green, Squirrel Girl's mother has been inside the tube this whole time, watching everything that is happening, able to hear everything, but not be heard herself.

"No!" shouts Maelstrom looking at the rather plain brunnete in the tube, "This is a mixture of gamma radiation and cosmic rays, specially designed to transform a human being into a mindless behemoth of death and destruction;"

"Soooo, you'll turn my mom into a She-hulk?" asks Squirrel Girl scratching her head, "I mean its sooo obvious, you try to turn my mom into a monster to fight me, but thanks to her pure heart she remembers her true self and becomes a defender of just…or some latent thing inside comes out and kicks your butt…or…"

"Enough of this!" shouts Maelstrom as he slams the button.

Steam rises up in the machine around Maureen Greene, Maelstrom a bit surprised as a smile crosses the woman's face.

Squirrel Girls runs up the platform, kicking Batroc out of the way and kicking the remote from Maelstrom's hand, leaping up and grabbing it.

"Too late," says Maelstrom, "watch as…."

The container cracks, all the steam being drawn into the woman within; however as the steam clears her hair has changed from brown to black; and the normal clothes she had on have changed into a weird purple and red form fitting armor. She looks at Maelstrom with her square purple pupils and manifests a helmet in her hands much like that of Galactus.

Thanos smiles as he teleports off planet.

The woman who was Maureen Greene floats into the air stretching her arms, "I'm back!"

"Who…what…" stammers Maelstrom looking between the woman and Squirrel Girl; who is also surprised.

"Mom?" asks Squirrel Girl.

The woman flies down and gives Squirrel Girl a big hug, "My baby…wow…its crazy remembering everything and remembering being all human; man your grand-dad's limiters were really strong…and my hunger is totally gone now too…well…not as bad as it was when I was pregnant anyway."

The woman looks around and gives Maelstrom a mischievous smile, "Here me villains! I am Galacta the devourer of….islands!"

She *winks*, "Oh and Galactus is my dad;"

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

After a brief silence Dr. Doom is the first to say it, "Then this means Squirrel Girl is the devourer of world's grand-daughter?"

"Huh," says Squirrel Girl not as phased by this as one would suspect, "So I'm not a mutant? I'm a…Galactus-ian or…something."

"I'll just be leaving now," says Bug Eyed Voice.

"Yeah…" says Bi Beast, "have…things to do."

"Not so fast," says Galacta, "You're all villains and…I've been watching my daughter do this super-hero thing all this time; I want in on the action."

Galacta upper-cuts Maelstrom sending him high into the atmosphere, where he vanishes through a portal to escape.

Galacta and Squirrel Girl leap from the platform after the various villains.

And thus does the cosmic adventures of Squirrel Girl begin.

(insert Tippy Toe's talk box)

Pst….in case you were wondering how Galacta can be Squirrel Girl's mom….The Living Tribunal; that big three faces uber-abstract guy; declared that there can be only one Galactus in a reality at a time; so to solve the problem of Galacta being hungry…and pregnant; put a limiter on her powers turning her human…ish; like when Galactus lost his powers and became Galan. This cosmic wobbly woobly happened with Squirrel Girl making her into what people on Earth would call a mutant. Her mom's memories were also altered so right up until the cosmic rays started soaking into her she thought she was just an ordinary human.

So there you have it, thanks to some weird, kind of needlessly convoluted cosmic stuff Squirrel Girl's mom is Galacta and her grand-father is Galactus…wow…this is going to make for some weird family reunions.


End file.
